Why can't I have nice things?

"ttyymmnn" (ttyymmnn) 01/20/2017 at 14:53 • Filed to: None

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Yesterday, my oldest son, in a fit of 14-year-old exuberance and stunning lack of good judgment, ran and jumped on Mrs. Ttyymmnn’s Civic, leaving this dent in his wake. Please, remind me again why I had children.

Speaking of wakes, my son’s wake will be held this weekend.

For Sweden > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 14:56

7

It’s never too late to sell the kid

CalzoneGolem > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 14:57

0

One of those paintless dent outfits should be able to fix that pretty quick.

Sorry for your loss.

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 14:57

1

Are we invited?

ateamfan42 > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 14:58

2

Please, remind me again why I had children.

That, sir, is an impossible task.

Child Free and loving it :)

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 14:58

2

Remind him that he can’t do hood slides or bounces until he gets a car of bank vaultish steel capable of them, like a ‘70s Starsky and Hutch Gran Torino. For which he will have to save up.

Also, we’re all familiar with Corolla dents, but you would think all the baseball capp’ed bros leaning against their Civics would have originated Civic fenders as a recognized thing. Maybe not.

Tripper > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 14:58

1

Lol I was thinking of saying “when is the service?” just as I read the last line.

fourvalleys > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 14:59

5

Call up your PDR guy. It’ll cost less than your son’s next pair of sneakers to get it right. Maybe a little polishing on your own to get rid of the smudges and it’ll look just fine.

I’d say to pop off the fender and push it out yourself, but it looks like that might kink or crack if you popped it out (in my not-experienced opinion).

ttyymmnn > Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras 01/20/2017 at 14:59

1

Absolutely.

Milky > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 14:59

1

If it makes you feel any better, a friend in high school TRIED to hood slide my Jeep. Did not jump high enough, left about the same dent.

ttyymmnn > CalzoneGolem 01/20/2017 at 15:00

9

Yeah, I figure it should pop out for the most part. What I didn’t show you is the other dent I made in the car with his head.

ttyymmnn > Milky 01/20/2017 at 15:01

0

It does not make me feel better. I’m no fan of schadenfreude. However, misery does love company.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 15:01

0

My son shot me in the eye with a nerf gun. Was not impressed.

CalzoneGolem > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 15:01

1

They should be able to fix that one also. You’ll need to wash off the bloo first.

ttyymmnn > fourvalleys 01/20/2017 at 15:01

0

The shadow makes the edge of the dent look sharper than it really is.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > For Sweden 01/20/2017 at 15:02

0

They lose value after the “cute and cuddly” phase.

ttyymmnn > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 01/20/2017 at 15:02

0

Been there, too.

vicali > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 15:05

1

I wonder it they make fiberglass...

Deal Killer - Powered by Focus > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 15:05

0

Yep, I can completely sympathise with you. I have a soon to be 14 year old son as well, who is already 5'11", and ready to overtake 6'4" me. He is eating me out of house and home, and outgrowing his clothes every 2-3 months, it seems.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 15:07

0

But were you making dinner after a long day and just starting to unwind and relax? There was a split second that I honestly could have throttled that kid.

smobgirl > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 01/20/2017 at 15:09

1

I’ve long thought nerf guns would be a useful tool to use on students that aren’t paying attention. I guess I’d have to provide goggles though.

jimz > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 01/20/2017 at 15:11

1

that’s a big part of the reason I don’t have kids. had I been in ttyymmnn ’s shoes I’m not confident I could prevent myself from actually throttling said kid.

‘s like a few weeks ago I was driving home, and as the light turned green for my direction these ~11 year old brats decide they’re going to cross the street, slowly, on their hoverboards. then when they finally got across one person honked, and then one of the little shits blew a kiss towards us. all I could seethe at that point is “you little motherfuckers are lucky I’m not your dad because you would not like where I would be sticking those hoverboards right now. That is, after I broke them over your heads.”

that wouldn’t be good for anybody.

CB > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 01/20/2017 at 15:11

2

I nearly lost an eye to a Nerf dart. If I ever have kids, Nerf guns are being banned.

OPPOsaurus WRX > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 15:14

1

when i was learning how to ride my first multi-speed bike i was watching the gears shift and ran into my fathers new T100 sR5 and removed about a foot x 1/2" of the plurple paint from the side of his bed. He was pissed.

I caught my daughter about 2" from cleaning my car with a wire brush.

WTF kids. come on.

I’ve pulled dents liek yours using a toilet plunger. It was a 2000-ish Malibu, so even if I fucked it up worse there wouldn’t have been anything of value lost.

jimz > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 01/20/2017 at 15:15

1

nah, that’s when they can really start working.

bob and john > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 15:17

0

i MIGHT understand this from a 5 or 6 year old.

a 14 year old?

Stapleface > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 15:18

0

In your Son’s defense, I’m not sure why type of steel they use on the Civic, but it’s thin. My ‘15 has several small dents from road debris on the front end. Not to mention the missing paint to go with said road debris. For a (not even) 2 year old car it looks like hell. Not impressed with Honda’s paint and body quality.

DipodomysDeserti > Milky 01/20/2017 at 15:19

0

I’m guessing you don’t own a Wrangler. That or he never took the windshield knobs or hood handle into account.

ttyymmnn > Stapleface 01/20/2017 at 15:20

0

I watched him jump up on it, and honestly, I was surprised that it dented.

ttyymmnn > bob and john 01/20/2017 at 15:21

5

Teenagers aren’t exactly known for their common sense. I should know; I used to be one.

PatBateman > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 15:23

3

So your son’s a Republican?

:)

ttyymmnn > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 01/20/2017 at 15:23

1

Actually, I was making dinner.

ttyymmnn > Deal Killer - Powered by Focus 01/20/2017 at 15:25

0

My 14-y-o is 6 ft, 150 lbs (at least). He’s a strapping lad, but I think I can still take him. I outweigh him, but he may have a longer reach (he’s the keeper on his soccer team). Still, I think I could get one or two good punches in before he realizes what is up.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 15:27

0

9 out of 10 incidents in my house happen while making dinner.

Chariotoflove > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 15:28

2

Please, remind me again why I had children.

Because we need someone else in the house to do stupid shit and take he heat off of us.

Speaking of wakes, my son’s wake will be held this weekend.

Chariotoflove > fourvalleys 01/20/2017 at 15:29

3

Can confirm. The existence of PDR is proof that God loves us.

ttyymmnn > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 01/20/2017 at 15:30

0

Cooking can be stressful for me. Last night, I was making chicken parmigiana, which I’ve never made before. Things were at a crucial moment when I saw his antics through the window. What really pissed me off, though, is that I had to remind him twice to apologize to his mom, since it’s her car.

Takuro Spirit > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 15:30

1

So glad my weak ass sperm was only able to spawn girls.

ttyymmnn > PatBateman 01/20/2017 at 15:30

1

Too soon.

ttyymmnn > Chariotoflove 01/20/2017 at 15:32

2

I asked a friend once, “What was I thinking when I decided to have kids?” He replied, “You know EXACTLY what you were thinking.”

ttyymmnn > Takuro Spirit 01/20/2017 at 15:32

5

They do stupid shit, too.

Chariotoflove > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 15:34

2

LOL!

If we’d just being thinking ahead instead of with our heads. . .

McMike > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 15:37

7

RIP ttyymmnn’s son.

Deal Killer - Powered by Focus > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 15:37

2

Yep, I’ve got about 50 - 60 lbs on my boy, so if I can wrap him up quick, I could probably take him down. He is also incredibly tickelish. I have no problem fighting dirty. Ain’t no rules in a street fight.

jimz > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 15:38

8

“Boys fuck shit up.

Girls are fucked up.”

- Louis CK

ttyymmnn > McMike 01/20/2017 at 15:38

0

Eh, if I haven’t killed him in the last 14 years, he’s probably safe. Besides, his mother would get mad(der) at me if I did.

Milky > DipodomysDeserti 01/20/2017 at 15:43

0

Nope, Grand Cherokee. Popped the dent out, bondo and primer’d it and then left it like that for probably 2 years. See the grey spot:

McMike > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 15:48

3

Best to have only one thing bent out of shape at the house.

Good call.

ttyymmnn > McMike 01/20/2017 at 15:50

0

I’ve learned one or two things in 26 years of marriage.

Takuro Spirit > jimz 01/20/2017 at 15:56

2

I thought it was:

Boys fuck shit up

Girls will fuck YOU up

comes over to help work on your car and only drinks beer > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 15:56

1

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

A handle of Southern Comfort, Mrs. Ttyymmnn wearing yoga pants, and the reckless family planning of youth?

(I mean, not from experience or anything)

PatBateman > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 15:57

0

You know you chuckled.

ttyymmnn > PatBateman 01/20/2017 at 16:02

0

More of a wry smile, but yeah.

MonteRio > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 16:04

2

Here’s how dumb I still was at 18: I did that to MY OWN CAR.

ateamfan42 > Chariotoflove 01/20/2017 at 16:05

1

The existence of PDR is proof that God loves us.

That, and beer. Benjamin Franklin said so.

ateamfan42 > comes over to help work on your car and only drinks beer 01/20/2017 at 16:09

0

I can certainly understand how children come to be by accident. I still can’t comprehend what drives people to make them on purpose .

What really blows my mind is after people have 1 (or more), they sometimes purposely decide to make more! Didn’t you learn from the first time?

comes over to help work on your car and only drinks beer > ateamfan42 01/20/2017 at 16:19

0

I didn’t actually have any kids by accident. If you don’t want them, by all means, don’t have them, but I have 2, and cherish mine every day. We surgically stopped at 2 but I’ve considered adopting at times. Do they drive me nuts at times? Sure, but I once heard a very accurate statement: “once you have a child, you learn to understand how it feels to have your heart outside your body”. There is nothing you could offer me that would make me give up my kids. I can’t even watch a video of a child hurting, even if it’s not my own. That video that went viral with the twins who tip over the dresser onto one of them and the other lifts it off? Couldn’t watch it because it was too long before the other one lifted it off.

Self sacrificial love is natural and an evolutionary advantage to ensure the survival of the species. It’s only in our modern world that we’ve become so selfish that we ridicule and subvert this natural instinct.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 16:20

2

“...nice things...”

“...Civic”

ttyymmnn > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/20/2017 at 16:24

1

2013 EX-L, leather, sunroof, the works. Yeah, it’s nice. At least for us.

Chariotoflove > ateamfan42 01/20/2017 at 16:25

1

Would never argue with old Ben.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 16:29

0

In my mind Civics are always gonna qualify as simply “a thing”. Perhaps it’s due to the status of the Civic when I was growing up.

Arrivederci > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 16:44

0

Does your son collect any sort of allowance? If so, that allowance would be going straight to PDR until resolved. Kiddos gotta learn consequences.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > Deal Killer - Powered by Focus 01/20/2017 at 16:48

0

WHY DO THEY EAT SO MUCH!!!! I could have another car payment if it was not for the food.

Wacko > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 16:51

0

but you can always make another one

ttyymmnn > Wacko 01/20/2017 at 16:57

1

Nope. We’re done with that.

ttyymmnn > Arrivederci 01/20/2017 at 16:57

1

Agreed. I’ve already got some projects lined up for him, too.

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 17:16

1

I once did something similar to my own Civic, but it was mine. Also the “something similar” sliding across/trying to jump over the roof.

OneFastPuertoRican > For Sweden 01/20/2017 at 17:17

0

Gypsies will pay good money for white ones.

For Sweden > OneFastPuertoRican 01/20/2017 at 17:21

0

Gypsies make bad buying decisions

OneFastPuertoRican > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 17:24

2

True story:

I was cleaning the car-hole last spring when I told my 6 year old daughter to hold a small hand saw WITH protective sleeve attached while I put away the step-ladder.

No sooner do I turn my back to put the damn ladder away, she takes the hand saw and uses it on the decklid of my Porsche. Turns out there was a small opening in the protective sleeve that I completely forgot about.

I have a nice 4" oval scratch on Ze Fräulein because kids are the worst.

unclevanos (Ovaltine Jenkins) > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 17:31

1

RIP your son. I would be killed by a firing squad if I did that.

OneFastPuertoRican > For Sweden 01/20/2017 at 17:32

1

I guess Gypsies have lots in common with PT Cruiser owners.

ttyymmnn > OneFastPuertoRican 01/20/2017 at 17:59

0

It sounds like hers was a simple mistake, while my son’s move was just stupid.

TheTurbochargedSquirrel > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 01/20/2017 at 18:08

0

Civic fenders are when the fender gets pushed back so that it gets crushed every time you open the door. It seems like they are all like that (at least the 6th gens)

fhrblig > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 18:44

0

Good lord, why? What was his excuse for doing that?

ttyymmnn > fhrblig 01/20/2017 at 18:50

1

Like most teenagers, he had no good reason. They’re all hormones and impulsive behavior.

fhrblig > ttyymmnn 01/20/2017 at 21:27

1

I had all of that, too, but I never jumped on my mom’s Civic. (No, really, she had a Civic when I was 14 too.)

cluelessk > ttyymmnn 01/21/2017 at 13:27

1

Looks like something a good pdr guy could fix.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > PatBateman 01/23/2017 at 18:21

0

I doubt it.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > ttyymmnn 01/23/2017 at 18:24

0

Because you bought too nice of a car, you brought this upon yourself. If I had to put money on it, I’d bet that Mrs. Ttyymmnn wasn’t really that upset about it and probably said something like, “Well, this will just remind me of Spawn of Ttyymmnn every day.”

ttyymmnn > Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo 01/23/2017 at 18:29

0

I was definitely the more upset of the two of us.

thebigbossyboss > ttyymmnn 01/24/2017 at 18:47

1

Glad I have this to look forward to.

thebigbossyboss > fhrblig 01/24/2017 at 18:47

0

I slammed a shopping cart into my dad’s corolla though. Because. I was probably about 6.

ttyymmnn > thebigbossyboss 01/24/2017 at 18:49

0

Dealing with kids never gets easier. It just gets different.

thebigbossyboss > Deal Killer - Powered by Focus 01/24/2017 at 18:53

0

He reminds me of myself at that age. Except I stopped growing at 5'11". But my Dad said when me and my brother moved out his grocery bill dropped by at least 2/3rd maybe even 3/4ths.

Related: I once came home to note that said dinner in fridge. Great news i thought. I ate the dinner and then went to watch tv as I had been out on the construction site all day and was tired. (I think I was 19 or 20 at this point).

My dad came home for a few minutes and then left as he was on village council and they met Tuesday nights.

Later in the evening everyone was home, my dad asked my mom where dinner was, as he ha not eaten yet. My mom said she had left it in the fridge. It was no longer in the fridge of course because I had eaten it.

I ate in no particular order, 3 steaks, Two giant heads of broccoli and 4 or 5 potatos.

There was nothing on the note that said dinner had to be shared. My mom asked “why would you have thought I made you three steaks?” I don’t know. I didn’t think about it. I just saw three steaks and thought “oh good”.

thebigbossyboss > ttyymmnn 01/24/2017 at 18:58

1

Well it probably got easier for my parents when I went to live 4000 miles away a week after I turned 18.

I heard the grocery bill dropped by 2/3rds. But then again the post secondary tution bill went up an infinite amount.